My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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