Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
