sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
