so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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