My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize