I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
soo... how was my night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
