the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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