I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
