I'm going to jail i love you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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