i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
