but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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