Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
