grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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