U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
