So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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