You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
