I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
