Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
