drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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