Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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