Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
