My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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