Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
