Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she woke up with a sticky ear
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
