Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
