R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
