So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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