Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
