Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
