just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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