I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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