cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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