I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
