my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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