Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
