im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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