we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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