I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
