Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
