We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
