I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
