New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
