Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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