im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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