Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
