I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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