He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
