There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
