Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
