Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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