I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
