I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
