it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
