someone threw a dead crab at me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
