He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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