Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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