I will die if light touches me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
