guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
