she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
