So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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