It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
