His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
