she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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