Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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