Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I want is dick and wine.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize