woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
