Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
