I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
