that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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