I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
